Sincerely, Megs

I never use this blog, always want to but end up putting it off, but seems like a good avenue to have this “chat”.

It’s a new season which means new people and old questions -
“what’t going on with your hair?” 

I don’t mind people asking, but I’m finding that a lot of people have been wondering for quite some time without asking the question, so I’ll just put it out there. :) 

I’ll spare you the detailed narrative. :) 

It started in college. Went from dime-size spot to years later being all my hair to recently including my eyebrows. It’s called alopecia. It’s an autoimmune disease where my body attacks my hair follicles. I’ve done treatments where I got injections every square cm of the bald spots - obviously didn’t work. 

I wore hats and wigs for a long time. I started to go without my wig at work or with close friends. Though there’s lots of perks to the wig, it created a lot of shame and awkward moments. Most people didn’t know I had a wig, so every time someone encountered me without the wig it was a big to do. You know? And it just created this mindset that I couldn’t be seen without it. 

So… when I moved to Australia, I made the leap to go with no wig. And that’s that. 

Does it suck? Yup… But honestly, we all have our things we deal with.

There’s a post on this blog that I wrote after I started losing my eyebrows. I think maybe it articulates the hard parts of the journey with all this. 

But yeah, for those who were wondering- there it is. :)

Questions are always okay. :)
 

Who’s seen a little kid have to undergo something they did not want to do? Getting an injection… blood drawn… cavity filled… I’d say we’ve all probably seen it and maybe even experienced it ourselves unless we’ve blocked out those memories due to the traumatic impact. The kicking. The crying. The screaming. The tears. Hugging them… (aka holding them down!) As a nurse, it’s probably one of the hardest things to see. There’s so much fear, anger, anxiety because they don’t understand the why. They don’t understand that the very people who seem to be destroying their world are actually there to help them. They don’t understand that fighting it makes it so much worse.

Now when I was in the 7th grade, we had this “end of the year” fun day at school. For gym class they had laid out a tarp on the hill with soap and water making a “slip and slide.” Fun! Right? Well I was anxious about the whole thing and kept watching people slide around like crazy and have the best time. Finally class was almost over so I decided to go for it. I got up the courage… ran… went to slide… AND CRACK! My foot caught a dry spot on the tarp and as my body lunged forward, my ankle went backwards… ☹

Oh my, did it hurt. The next few hours were full of going from the doctor’s office to the Emergency Room. The x-ray said there was a break but that they couldn’t see it as well as they needed so they used this machine – as a nurse, I have no clue looking back what the machine was, all I know is it was like a live feed x-ray machine - and they were twisting and pulling my ankle and causing ridiculous amounts of pain. After they collected their images, I sat in the waiting room. And I sat some more and waited some more…

Finally the doctor came out – “So you need to have surgery this afternoon.” Seriously, bedside manner!?! I woke up that morning planning on having a “typical” day and here he’s telling me I have to have surgery… I HATED needles and anything to do with hospitals or pain or procedures, so NO I didn’t want to have surgery. Which is why I asked the doctor nicely, “well, what if I don’t want to have it?” Which he responded that I wouldn’t be able to dance again, which was a huge part of my life at the time, or even be able to walk normally without pain if I didn’t do it.

Ugh… NOT the response I wanted. Where were the options?! I didn’t sign up for this… I don’t want to have to go through it! So much fear and anxiety took over.

Seasons of life can be similar. We are told that God will never put more on our plate than we can handle… But the course work gets to be too much… the family situation seems hopeless… the bills seem too large… the doctor’s report seems too heavy… whatever that thing is, it just seems like too much… like you just don’t have it in you to survive it, let alone thrive in the midst of it.

There was a time where I was at that exact spot, and asking God, “Why are you allowing this? I can’t do it.” “Seriously?!” “Can I pull my ‘opt out’ card for this one?!” I cried and begged and pleaded that my situation would change because it was just too much to handle. In those moments, I usually feel overwhelmed with fear, with anxiety, with anger, with hopelessness.

Now, even in that moment I knew the truth.

I knew what God says in hard times.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Psalm 100:5 “For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.”

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 it reads, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

And Philippians 4:6-8 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

And that’s just a few. There’s heaps.

But here I am knowing the truth but not grasping it. You know? So I kept being honest with God on where I was at, but I always would end stating TRUTH. Cause I have a strong conviction that God knows what He’s talking about more than my emotions do. So I kept wrestling with it until I got it.

And after some time there came peace. And God gave me this image where I was being told that I had to undergo a major operation. In the image, I didn’t feel like I had the luxury of declining, yet I didn’t have the strength to go through with it. All those emotions came back – fear, anxiety, anger, hopelessness. And there I had a choice. I could continue in fear, kicking and screaming. OR I could take a deep breath, squeeze His hand like never before, and trust. I chose the latter. I had to choose the latter. And often it’s a continual daily decision to choose.

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Squeezing His hand. Trust.

A few weeks after that God put a scripture on my heart. In Luke 22:42, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

Some of the most powerful words anyone can say to you is “I understand.”

He understands. He’s been there. He’s had the rush of emotions. He’s faced what would have felt too much to bear- impossible even. There’s nothing I can experience on this earth that would even compare to what He was going through. It says He sweat blood, which actually occurs when people are under extreme stress. And He asked. He asked if He could ‘opt out’ of this one if possible, but He didn’t. I believe in that moment a peace came- a grace to move forward. He counted the cost and found it worth it. And he went on to suffer and die a horrendous death for MY sin. That just makes me speechless…

Thankful that He paid the price. Thankful that in His resurrection we have free access to God for the grace and strength and comfort to move forward. Thankful that His Word is always true no matter the circumstance. Just thankful.

You can do this. Whatever is before you, you can make it through. And you’re not meant to make it alone. Choose to trust.

I-HEART exists to help more people, help more people.

It’s you. It’s me. It’s what’s possible when we all work together. It’s being unified. It’s combining our  hopes and efforts. It’s practising what we preach. It’s seeing the bigger picture. It’s loving relentlessly. It’s us all doing our part. It’s us.

I-HEART put on an experience at Hillsong Conference…

“This is LOVE.”

It was brilliant, powerful, and world-changing.

For years I’ve looked forward to HILLSONG CONFERENCE… 

It was above and beyond what I could imagine! The word that kept coming mind was - speechless. 

Thousands of youth seeking God with all their heart - speechless.

20,000+ people in one building worshipping together - speechless.

77 countries represented - speechless. 

The incredible people I’m blessed to have speak into my life- speechless. 

Chester the Fish

A day at Manly Beach… heavenly….